Who am I ?

I feel like we all go through that phase where we are like: “Who am I ?” I think it is because we start doubting that the person we truly are is not gonna be liked by others. A lot of teenagers do stupid things in order to be just like everybody else. I did, too. But in a way it was good because at least now I know who I surely am not. And these days I was just wondering like what is wrong with me? Like no guy ever really liked me and partly it is because of the way I looked I think but also no guy liked my soul in that way. And I asked some guy friends of mine and all of them said difefrent things. I think what it comes down to is that I just haven’t been the person I truly am. I feel like I lived for so long in this mental box of mine trying to fit unimaginary expectations and ideals of guys who don’t even care. And now I just broke out of that box. I need so badly to just be who I am and set myself free. Free in my soul, in my heart. Free in the sense that I don’t think anymore that there is anything wrong with me. I don’t wanna be told who I should be. Well, I am not told but I just used to think that I should be this person because I thought somebody else wanted me to be that. I am just not like that. I still am a version of myself but I feel this adventure and just eagerness to break out. In a way I do that with my bike and skating. Honestly, I feel like I missed out on three years of my life with depression and the cutting, the eating disorder and everything and now with this summer I am just catching up on experiences and memories I could’ve had back then. Everybody else is working, making money, thinking about futures and yes….it is right around the corner but I need my summers back, I need my freedom back, I need my teenage years back, I need my happiness back. I just need to be who I was supposed to be all along and I need to do the things I was supposed to experience already a long time ago. 

 

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