Okay, I just came home from my car drive and I am awfully sad. Just like after the last like 5 drives. I am not good at driving. I was good but lately – last month or so – I am simply not. It is really hard for me because you just have to think about so many things at once and I am the kind of person who overanalyses everything. I overthink and just analyse all the possible outcomes and choices of every situation. I realise that it is bad but a lot of times I can’t help it. While for some driving might be extremely easy, for me it is hard. It is not that I am dum or something but we all ahve different abilities and I might not have those abilities.
This being said, my instructor was not happy with me. The exam is in three weeks or so and every time I drive I am nervous and I am bad and I come home sad as hell. I am totally just disheartened. My first thoughts were that I was gonna eat the whole bucket of ice cream that we bought today. BUT NO. I am not going to do that because that wouldn’t help a thing. I would just feel even worse because I worked out today and I wanna keep that up. I know it is hard for me but that is not going to stop me. This feels like my impossible. The thing is that I don’ believe I could learn to drive. I don’ believe that I am gonna get my licence. And that is the problem. I have done so many “impossible” things, which feel unreal if I think about it, just because I so strongly believed I could do it. I learned to skate, I learned to do the bridge one summer from like a standing point. Like I can just bend backwards and you have a bridge. I did the freaking state exams and got an A. I did the wallsit challenge – 5 minutes. I believed I couldn’t draw faces and people, then I tried and believed and now I draw characters and people all the time. And I wanna continue to do the impossible. I need to make myself believe I can do this. It feels like I am failing but you need failure in order to rise up. Hard work is going to pay off. Because even when you don’t have the abilities but you work hard, you can achieve amazing things. I AM NOT GIVING UP! I AM GOING TO DO THIS!