Diary Days – n.7 – I am (not) an ordinary teenager

Sometimes my past sort of catches up to me. Sometimes people still make fun of the fact that I self harmed and the fact that I had an eating disorder which they do not believe I truly had. And now, as I started this new blog, I don’t really have a lot of readers to be honest. I started from rock bottom again. I didn’t have a huge amount of readers before either but I appreciate every single person who takes the time to actually read these. And  sometimes I wonder whether it is because of the fact that I talk about mental health and serious topics that people don’t really read the articles. I even had some people tell me: “You shouldn’t write about things like that. Not a lot of people care about these things. Write about books or movies and that sort of stuff.” Well, I am quite aware that not a lot of people read these types of articles but it is what I want to write about and what I feel like I am destined to write about. I am not someone who is going to change something so close to their heart just to get more people to read these. It is not about that.It is not about the number of people who read it. I want to get across a message to those who struggle and have struggled. That is what matters to me.  I am not ashamed of my past. I actually put it out there for everyone to see. Yes, I did self harm, had depression, had/still struggle with an Eating Disorder. But in a way I am still just a teenager. I watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S all the damn time, obsess over Gravity Falls and Adventure Time, have a mental breakdown because LAUREX broke up, hang out with my friends, go biking, have crushes who never like me back, get sad from time to time and end up writing thre poems on a bad day about life which end up being love poems because I feel too much. I still have to do schoolwork, I have classmates who do stupid things which are funny, I listen to Rock’n’roll, I skate, I broke my leg and so on. I do love these regular experiences which make me ordinary but not not every teenager gets walked out on and not every teenager has this whole package of mental health issues. I do write about these issues because it is what I wanna fight against and what I wanna help with. I guess I could write a bit more about the regular stuff but I am never gonna stop writing about these things because they matter to me.

Edward Scissorhands Quote                                                                                                                                                                                 More

I am more than my mental health journey. I care about things which are regular. I am not only the self harm scars and my fear of trigger foods, my occasional sad days. I am ME. I am so much more than that and I would hate for someone to see me just for this. I am a really complex person but I am both extraordinary for going through all of that and ordinary in the way that I care about regular teenage things like school and TV shows. 

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