There is this poem by Phil Kaye called Repetition and in it he says “If you just wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, one day you’ll forget why.”
I feel like we often just blindly do the things we think we are supposed to do. We do our homework, study the things we despise, work out because everyone else is doing it, eat healthy but after a while the taste of the food disappears, we take pictures of ourselves and smile because it is the right way but we are not actually happy. What is it all for? Why are you doing it if it has no meaning for you?
Last year I had this goal to get my good grades again and I achieved it. I did get better grades. However there was this one day when we were sitting in the changing room learning for chemistry and there was this girl who wasn’t learning, she didn’t worry about the test. She was talking to another friend of mine about life and he asked her: “Are you always happy?” And she said:”Not always, but even for just a little moment, I am happy every day.” And that was when I realised that yes, I was learning and I had amazing grades but I had no direction, no goal with it. All of those As became meaningless. And that is when I got back to writing more and right now I am at a point in my life where all I would do with my days is write and I don’t care much for any subject other than English. I do learn and I do those things but I don’t see the point in it. I am not enjoying it and it seems like a chore. It is very much like Holden Caulfield.
I feel like everyone should find their “Why?” because living without a reason, a purpose, without enjoying your life is meaningless. I don’t care much about school anymore. I do learn but I prioritise life before school – helping a friend, writing, talking to someone new, mental health Therefore I often stay home because I need a mental health day. Before I used to feel guilty for staying home but I have come to the conclusion that it is vey important to do so every once in a while.