I have a crush on this guy. And it is killing me. It is not healthy. Therefore I need to write my way out of it as always. I have been overthinking the whole situation so many times. And my anxiety has been very very bad all week because of this. I have been not eating much, chugging down food so that I would eat at least something. Not writing, not eating, not living, my anxiety has been draining my energy. Good thing that I hung out with my friends every day as a sort of distraction and happiness. Otherwise I would have just been devastated and miserable.
What is the point? If he does like me that is great but it won’t change who I am. And if he doesn’t it still won’t change who I am. I am still going to be me whether he likes me or not and I won’t let it define my self worth and my self love. It shouldn’t affect me as much as it does. If he does not like me then I will simply move on because it is not worth loving someone who does not love you. And if he does then I am still not sure how to handle that information because it is quite overwhelming. What bugs me is not whether he likes or not but the fact that I don’t know. It keeps me thinking and wondering and I hate that. I am really trying to live and not get consumed by this idea of the guy but I truly can’t get him off my mind. I am learning to live with this because every time I like someone it just consumes all of me. I can’t get them out of my head. Odds are that regardless of how he feels I am going to live and continue my life kind of the same way I did before.
I don’t know the odds of him liking me because I feel like there are no odds for love.
p.s.: Yes, if I mention odds this is what comes to my mind every time.