Diary Days – n. 16 – I am quite okay now ( advice on ED, anxiety, crushes )

I had an awfully good day today. I just put on my Rock N Roll outfit – I went full out and even my jacket and I put on “Whole Lotta Rosie” and I tackled on the world. I went to school and I was like….Imma do this shit. I can do this. Of course it wasn’t that hard cause one of the writers we had to learn about was Salinger and I could ramble about Holden Caulfield all day long. I got an A actually and I felt invincible. Pretty proud of myself to be honest.

What helped me with my anxiety was believing in myself and finding my confidence. More often than not I think awfully low of myself and I consider myself not to be good enough. I feel like that is also one of the symptoms of anxiety plus I have always been an awful perfectionist. I reminded myself of one thing: “When my confidence is low, my anxiety is high therefore I need to believe in myself more.”

My ED is better because I haven’t been taking care of my body properly. I was eating food that wasn’t that good for me plus you know the crush didn’t help so. Every time I decide to move on and just like screw it all I come back to this “taking care of myself” kind of mood. I make sure to eat the best healthiest food I love which means loads of oatmeal and this vegan rice, veggie, chickpeas lunch. I love it. And I just stretch because I love to stretch because I am flexible as hell. Love it. It is fun.

And man…let me tell you, this crush of mine ain’t worth it. It is one thing to love a person but it is not great when it has no point and you are in this limbo state for months. Like does he like me, does he not? If they are not acting the right way, not talking to you, not texting, not even caring then they probably don’t like you. Don’t do that to yourself. When it doesn’t make sense anymore then move on. You need to let go of certain bad, toxic things in order to receive something better. You do deserve to be cared for, to be loved but first you need to love yourself.

Fotka Miriam Kovácsovej.

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