You deserve better

I need to get this off my chest. There was this friend of mine at camp and we talked a lot about life and just deep stuff in general. I wrote him letters because that is one of the things we did there. I was so awkward actually at camp. I feel like I tend to be awkward when I am nervous and especially around new people. Even this friend of mine actually  because he is just this amazing guy, I adore him to death but I am awkward and nervous around him too because I see him as if he was above me and generally I tend to think less of myself than I already am which is wrong. When I am with my peers I always think as if I was less. It has been like this ever since I can remember. But I am working on it. And he helped me with it. He said something which I am probably going to remember forever because it changed my life. I was basically in love with my best friend for seven years. I never really got over him until this summer. And I told my friend: “Maybe if I lose weight, get prettier, he is going to fall in love with me.” And he said something along the lines of: “He is not. It is not worth having someone who likes you just for your body. Forget about him. You are done. Just done.” It is not even that monumental but what I took from that is that I realised I deserved better. I realised I deserved the same kind of love I was willing to offer. Because believe me, I am shy and awkward at first but I turn out to be a caring and loving person in the end. I think I am generally kind of like that but with my friends or a partner I am even more like that. One more thing came out of this. You see, he was my reason to be alive. And that is wrong. Because I lived my life for someone else. I didn’t even care enough about myself to be my own reason to be alive. I am so glad that my friend unknowingly knocked sense into me.  I found my own reasons to be alive, to continue with this life because I feel like I have a purpose here. And a part of that purpose is doing exactly this. Teaching you from my own mistakes, passing on the knowledge I gain throughout life.

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6 thoughts on “You deserve better

  1. The more you believe in yourself the more your confidence grows. People will always have opinions about you (good or bad) but if you have a good opinion about yourself, then you will have no need to rely on others for your identity.

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  2. Aaaah. The universal simple truths in life that are so obvious after the person gets to understand them. It is really nice of you to share this experience, so that the others can learn faster and less painfully 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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