I went to school this morning and I was already struggling. And I went there, I tried to do eyeliner to kind of feel accomplished and more confident in a way and I failed. I felt like a failure that I couldn’t even do freaking eyeliner. I know that it is just eyeliner but in times like these I try to do simple tasks in order to feel better about myself but obviously eyeliner wasn’t a good choice. Anyway, I felt like a failure and I got an anxiety attack that was so bad that my head started to hurt and not even kidding I think I almost fainted there. I had trouble breathing as well so I have decided that I just had to go home. As I sat on the bus I was shaking like crazy, my head still hurts and I still have trouble breathing.

Anxiety just makes life difficult. I worry about not being good enough because I am extremely self-critical and a perfectionist. I worry about not getting As and having to get As. That is the perfectionism but also the fact that my mum is being hard on me and is only happy when I get an A and it is hard you know. To get only As from everything. I am not a fast learner and it takes an awful lot of time to learn stuff for me. And what happens is that I am so anxious generally that it makes me tired. It drains my energy and then I don’t even have the energy to learn. Then I am guilty for not learning which makes me even more anxious. Then I drink gallons of coffee in order to have energy but until then I am out of time so I don’t have enough time to learn for an A. And because I drank so much coffee I can’t fall asleep.

I want to fix it but in order to do that I need to calm down. We have like three tests tomorrow and one of them is German which just….I had a bad kind of anxiety attack during the examination so it went badly and I just can’t deal with that right now.

There are many more things which make me anxious like feeling not good enough and not confident enough in general for any guy and this sort of “I don’t even know how or if” past-present crush of mine. Let’s just say it is bad and I just wanna try to fix it but I will need to seek professional help because this is not a joke.

If it costs you you're peace it's too expensive


4 thoughts on “I had an ANXIETY ATTACK

  1. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I’ve been there and it sucks. I had an anxiety attack once because I couldn’t muster the energy to bike to school on time because I was exhausted (from studying late). I’m sure you will find your way, even if it doesn’t seem like it sometimes.

    Also, on a smaller note, I have a trick for eyeliner. I am terrible at eyeliner. It always ends up bumpy and uneven. But, as I’ve experimented, I’ve come up with a trick to hide that. After you’ve applied your eyeliner best you can (whether it is a pencil or liquid doesn’t matter), take a very skinny makeup brush and pack a color-matching eyeshadow on top of your eyeliner (don’t cover your lid, though – just the liner). Try pushing the eyeshadow into your eyelash line (if you can). Because the eyeshadow is powdery, it will make your eyeliner look smokey and faded on the edges, hiding bumps and imperfections. Also, it darkens the liner and finishes it, helping it to look dramatic and last longer! It may take a bit of practice, but not as much as applying perfect eyeliner. And, this way, you can work to perfect your eyeliner if and when you want while hiding any I’ve-not-quite-got-it results.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s