Well, this one was the biggest jerk of them all probably. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t talk bad about someone just because they didn’t like me back. No. I talk bad about someone when they truly did something shitty to me and he very much did. I don’t get why or how this whole thing even happened. I think the key is that I have a weakness or a soft spot for 1.) guys who play the guitar, 2.) blue eyes. And he did have gorgeous blue eyes. Funny thing is, he was completely not my type. There wasn’t one thing about the guy which would even come close to it. He was rather the opposite.
So this guy lead me on. And I did believe he liked me because I was told so as well. But it taught me to take care of myself more. At this point I was still very much depressed and I didn’t even care a bit about myself. Not even a bit. It was probably my lowest self worth ever. It also probably showed me what I didn’t want it a guy. Because I fell for his blue eyes, conviced myself probably that I liked him but he was no good for me. It doesn’t mean he is no good for someone else but me and him wasn’t a good combination. And it was after this that I decided I deserved and wanted someone who was more on my level or who was more my type. As you already know that didn’t work out but I raised my standards after this for sure. So yeah, I believe we learn something from everyone. We don’t just meet people by accident. Even if it was for a short amount of time.
At the time I believed he was all I could possibly get. I believed he was all the love I was worth having and I deep down I probably didn’t even like him but moreso the idea of someone loving me and I accpented it. I believed he liked me and to be honest, he was probably the second person I truly loved even though he wasn’t good for me. It is strange but it did happen.