This year was the best year of my life with all the flaws, bad days, sad days and experiences. It started off with me trying to lose weight in order to finally somehow be together with my first love. I was living my life for him in a way for months until one day when we were talking about whether we were happy and I realised I wasn’t. So I changed my life. I became more confident and I actually ended up finally getting over him and the guy that was my “perfect guy” as well. Then camp happened, got another crush and like…..woah. This summer, that one week changed everything. I learned so much. I got that crush and it somehow changed me I could be who I am. Getting over my first love made me become more and more myself and a lot more people talk to me, I am so much happier and I am even told I am cute and pretty. That makes one feel so good. I lost something good but I gained something greater – MYSELF. I got myself back after so many years. My ED returned during camp as well. It wasn’t until then that I realised just how messed up I was which resulted in me losing some weight and now I actually look “good” or okay or something along those lines. That’s what I am told but I do think so myself but I have to work on my self confidence because after that summer crush it dropped lower and lower. My anxiety cam back and I basically experienced another downfall. However I worked myself up again as always and now I am awesome. Considering everything it was still my best year because I finally broke out of that box of comfort zones and expectations to impress my first love. I passed my state exams, got straight As again, got my driver’s license, biked all summer with my best friend, was part of so many crazy nights that seemed endless thanks to being more brave and outgoing. I have gained so many wonderful and unforgettable experiences, met so many people that losing my first love/best friend of seven years seemed like the best thing for my well being. Truly. I have learned to seize the day more, to say yes, THAT YOU CAN BE WHOEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO BE, to not give effort and time into people who don’t deserve it and I realise my self worth more and I see that some people do take my love and caring for granted which is why I stopped reaching out to people who leave me on read or do not take at least half the effort to see me or write me. YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN THAT. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY AND BE WITH THE PEOPLE WHO TRULY CARE FOR YOU.
It was a good year and I hope to have an even better year in 2019 and overall a better life as time goes on. THANK YOU TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO MADE THIS YEAR AMAZING.