What I learned from my past CRUSHES – n.4 – My First Love (HIM)

I have had other crushes of course but this one is the last one and the most signifficant one. Last year I finally got over my first love after seven years and he was also my best friend whom I lost. However I feel like it wasn’t so much about losing him, he chose to let me go just like I let him go.

I learned that no matter how much you love someone, you can’t make them fall in love with you. If someone doesn’t like you and you have done everything to change it, just let them go. Start moving on.

I feel like I lost seven years of my life regarding relationships.  He made me believe I was worthless, ugly and now I hear more and more compliments every day. BE YOURSELF. Do what you love and don’t let anyone tell you who you should be.

Don’t settle on being a second choice. I was going to be happy if he chose me even if I was a second choice because it meant getting him. NO! NO! NO! Don’t fucking do that. You deserve so much better than that. You deserve someone who truly wants you. You are not an option. You have every right to be the one and only. 

You were never truly sure even when you begged me to be yours. now we are broken and you just want to move on and let go. shows how much you actually care.

I don’t know what else to say even though in my head this was going to be so freaking long. To be honest, I feel like all of these have been one huge lesson and it just repeated itself until I finally realised it: BE YOURSELF. YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO TRULY WANTS YOU AND ONLY YOU. DO WHAT YOU LOVE. YOU ARE ENOUGH WITHOUT A SIGNIFFICANT OTHER.

Life is funny like that. It teaches you lessons and it’s gonna keep screwing you over until you finally realise it. I had to let him go so badly so that I could finally be myself. And oh boy, I lost something so valuable but I gained something even more valuable. MYSELF. MY LIFE. MY HAPPINESS. MY FREEDOM. Freedom is probably the best word for this. NOONE OWNS YOU EVEN WHEN YOU ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. YOU ARE ENTIRELY YOUR OWN. I want to be free and share that freedom with someone. I don’t desire to be caged anymore.

QUICK QUESTION: Is there something you would want to write me about? Let me know in the comments down below. ❤



One thought on “What I learned from my past CRUSHES – n.4 – My First Love (HIM)

  1. Enjoyable write of self-reflection. I believe for a lasting love to work, one must be discovered in awe, in the roughness of what is normalcy for your own nature; appreciated for all you are and are not. Most only see one aspect of another in a most narrow view, that same aspect they feel that which to possess, to own, by desire of lust, not burning passion is the nature of love.

    Liked by 1 person

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