Ah well, I am here again. I just watched an episode of Sex Education. It is a GOOD show. It is not really what it sounds like. Just watch the trailer. I think it is extremely relatable because of the characters and just the stuff that goes on in their lives. Not really the sex part but just like feelings you know. Anway, there is this song that came on at the end of the episode. I linked it below. Every time a song like that comes on I feel stuff. Kinda sad, emotional and the guy popps into my head. It is awful because I know just how bad it would be if we were to ever be together or something along those lines. I have come to see why he is not good for me. But it is one of those “I know it is wrong but I still want it” kind of things. Man, life is great like that. I am kinda worried all the time about my grades. I put in work and it is still not good enough and then these songs come into your life and remind you of what is actually going on in your head. And that is the thing…..what I started practicing since this summer is “getting busy” while being in love or liking someone. In the past I would basically just think constantly about the guy I liked at the time and not really getting anything signifficant done. Well, I did get stuff done but there was also this awful thinking. I am basically doing what I could never do. Trying to just bury my feelings deep down so I don’t have to think about it. Cause if I did that wouldn’t be good. So I just do a lot of things. It’s like “let’s care about exams for a change or just doing this party or hanging out with friends”. I want to think about just how much I like the guy but that is a bad road to go down on plus I might just find out things I didn’t know before. I can’t do that right now. I have exams in like a month and a half. So I am just gonna brush it off for now. Odds are that until the next time we meet I am going to have passed the exams with straight As, have gotten a job and he….I do think that until that time he is going to have a girlfriend. That is how my life goes usually. Or life is just going to throw him at me again just like last time but the odds of us meeting are quite slim.
It is 22:28 right now, past my “curfew” and I see coffee in my life asap in the morning. But let’s just listen to this song right now and think about the person we like for a while and and then just get back to life. That is what I am going to do because that is what life is supposed to be.