The ED Recovery Diary – week 4 – I actually went to McDonald’s

This week was actually quite good I think. I was eating healthy for the most part. I have to tell myself that I need to eat dinner as well because as I said before I come home pretty late and eat a kinda lunch/dinner. So then I just like eat everything in sight after that because it is still not enough for the day. It is not really bingeing but just like not really planned and like I dunno.

I want to eat even healthier because of my health and for the sake of having more energy. I want to cut down on coffee. I want to work out. I still haven’t worked out because I was studying my ass off this week and it was worth it but I want to just stretch finally.

I ate like chicken nuggets throughout the week which is a great compromise food for my ED. Kinda healthy enough for it not to go mad on me and also challenging myself to branch out.

I also went to McDonald’s this week wich is a huge huge huge accomplishment because I haven’t eaten there in ages. Ages. My ED always told me I can’t go there and that it is bad for me (it lowkey is) and that I would gain weight if I ever did. And guess what? I DID GO. I actually ate a burger (huge huge fear food), fries (my ED convinced me I hate fries which I don’t) and Mcflurry which is my fave ice cream in the world. IN THE WHOLE FUCKING WORLD. And it was great. I also ate it kinda fast because when you restrict so much then you eat these sort of foods quick because you rarely allow yourself to eat like so. Of course there was the thought of “now I can’t eat dinner”. But I did eat a sandwich after it in the evening so fuck you ED.

So that was great. I also want to just tackle all these fear foods and also like eat healthy for my own sake. I want to let go of the idea of perfect eating because I beat myself up about every single piece of food that is not “healthy” or “safe”.

Acomplishment of the week: Freaking McDonald’s man

 

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