My anxiety is both mental and physical. Mentally it involves a lot of overthinking. If there is a stressful situation I imagine every possible outcome of that situation and overthink all the consequences. It is really not fun because most of the time there is something bad in all those outcomes or a something that I have to give up. I try to get the best of everything but I can never have it all. Then I beat myself up about those outcomes. Crazy knows it all. It can get pretty bad. I am not perfect. It can also happen in class. I just drown in my own head and if anyone were to speak to me I wouldn’t know what to say. It is kind of like losing control over your body – disociating. That happens a lot. It is when there is simply too much to stress about.
The physical consequences are probably worse. There are a lot of chest pains. I can’t breathe very well because of them and it hurts. But sometimes it gets so bad that it feels as if my sternum was going to break. Not even kidding. Of course there is the occasional shaking, sweating, sometimes I feel like I can’t see properly for some reason.
It also kind of connects to the ED. When my ED freaks out I tend to get these anxiety attacks sometimes. It is rare but it happens. The bad thing about it all is that I also have anxiety when there is nothing to worry about. It is simply there – this feeling of uneasiness and chest pains.
How I deal with it all is that I write Crazy and just talk. She tells me to calm down. But I also need to learn how to deal with it without her. There are times when I stay home , then I beat myself up about staying home but it usually helps. I take a shower and try to see the positive things in life. I remind myself that we only live just this once and that every day is a gift that we are free to do whatever with. That is why I usually create something or watch a movie/ series I wanted to see for a while. It helps.