The ED Recovery Diary – week 17 – I am fine

I was not going to write this cause I am just so anxious today for no reason at all. Well, many reasons actually but nevermind. I was going to do a what I eat in a day but I can’t remember what I ate exactly on normal weekdays. I was not focusing too much on recovy this week. I was busy with school and anxiety and we had holidays and like meh. You feel me?

I did eat three large cookies today actually. Worth it. I woke up with this awful fire-like pain in my whole digestive system. I thought I was not even going to move. Then I drank a crap ton of water and after a few hours it was gone. I didn’t eat much normal food because of that and I was craving something like chocolate chip cookies for a while now so I made those and it was like Heaven on Earth. Yes, I ate “bad foods” on normal days but I never eat like straight up chocolate bars or wafers or so. I am scared of course. Which is the reason I made the cookies.

I am doing my best to eat well and work out now for summer. I want to be stronger and feel better and not gonna lie. I also wanna make some boys regret they let me go. I know, it iswrong probably but I do wanna just do that. But mostly it is all for me.

I have also noticed that I still have my fear foods. Crazy was like…we could go eat burgers to this awesome place I went to last time. My immediate thought was “Woah, burgers. Yeah, no. Like….burgers…..they scare me bro.” I used to like burgers. Never really ate them frequently but when my ED started I only ate them when I didn’t eat anything else that day which I feel like is wrong. I really think that when we go there, I ought to get a burger. Because the way I fight my ED is that I do the exact opposite of what it says.

"Eat clean to stay fit, have a burger to stay sane!" said Gigi Hadid.

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