Diary Days – n.29 – How I feel about LOVE after being HEARTBROKEN like 6 times

Just so you know, I think that it was actually good for me. I had lots of crushes, been in love like 2-3 times. One was an awful long can’t-even-put-into-words kind of love and I have been rejected all those times. So I had my fair share of being heartbroken. It is really not fun but if you read my series “What I learned from my past crushes”, then you know that all these experiences shaped me into the person I am now. I am more myself and I even came to the point where I am just fine with being by myself but I am also prepared to be loved. That sounds very very cringey but it is a hard thing to do in my opinion. Someone who has had low self confidence their whole life thinks they might be unlovable. I do feel the same sometimes but I am better at it now.

I still think that I don’t have luck at love at all. I actually don’t believe anymore in true love which is such a bad thing to say but after all that happened you would probably say the same. I loved someone for seven years and they turned out to be such a different person at the end. Plus my parents are divorced and my father is an asshole so I am scared that if I ever get to know someone, something simular would happen. It is the truth. However I do have hope because I am still very young and there are many guys out there. One of them must be crazy enough to love me. XD Jokes aside, I am going to try this thing out. One of my friends just got a boyfriend and literally a few weeks ago she was like: “I want a boyfriend.” and life was like:”Sure.” Therefore I wonder whether that would work cause to me it seems like magic. I want a boyfriend, too. I just don’t even know any guys my age who would be good candidates. I only know guys who are younger than me or older. Or are taken. Whatever, not good for me.So it would have to be someone new.

One of the factors is also that I am very shy. But like, I see a guy, he is cute, he is handsome. How am I supposed to concentrate on a conversation? XD It’s the truth.  So yeah, life….hit me up….we gotta make this work. Manifestation or something.

All Wood Watch // Silver Marble #relationship

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