The other day as I was seraching for some things I found this essay from two years ago for this exact topic. The grammar was bad but the ideas in it were great. And this last week I just had this mindswitch. I am like genuinely happy. It is always around my birthday that I am very sad and after it I just change for the better. Last year I felt more mature and started going way out of my comfort zone. This year it is feeling more like an adult. Finals and university, a summer job….all of these are around the corner and with my mental health I never thought I would be able to actually keep all these things up or take on these chances. Of course I was always going to go to university but it still seems as if conquering the impossible.
I don’t really get pocket money and I don’t really get new things that I pick out myself. So my birthday is always a fun time for that. I got new things and it is like new energy sort of and it is nice to be surprised by others. But I was still sort of sad even though I got new things. The moment I was happy was when I got McDonald’s with my best friend and I said no to my ED and I ate what I never eat and we just hung out. That was probably the best part. And listening to good music in the car with an open roof and playing it as loud as it could go. Those are the moments that are woth living for and not the things. Though with getting a summer job (hopefully) I feel like some of my problems could be fixed. Because I can never just go out with my friends to have coffee or a slice of pizza or just go to the cinema. I don’t have money for it. I do not get money for it. Yes, I could have worked during school but for me it would be hard mentally to keep all that up. It is going to be a challenge even after I leave to uni. I hope to work at this book store during my studies. But other people do it as well and I really like to have an idea of what it means to be normal. I have a unique personality but I like to have basic things that normal people without mental health problems have.
The key to being HAPPY is to expect nothing, appreciate everything and let go of the idea that you are going to be happy all the time. Emotions are temporary and life was never linear. I think you should always enjoy what you have and the people around you becase nothing ever stays the same.