I think I missed last week. I know that I was dead tired so I just didn’t write it. But now I am. I have been eating very poorly this week. Exams are in two days and maaaan, I’m stressed and anxious. I don’t feel good about myself. But I have made progress in my mindset.
I know I put on weight. I can see it. I can feel it. But I made peace with it because underneath I am still the same person. This whole year has been just stressful and I really lost my motivation to work out and eat well. I was depressed but also happy. My mood fluctuates a lot which results in eating well at one time and then I would be overeating on sweets in order to make myself feel better. It’s not just depression. Anxiety as well but more on it tomorrow. So it is a mess basically. I want to get back into a kind of routine because when it comes down to it, I love working out. It is quite addicting. I just put this pressure on myself (well my ED I guess) that if I don’t work out for an hour then it has no point. I always make myself believe I have to do this hard workout because otherwise I am just not going to lose weight.
So I looked back at my pictures from summer and man…..I looked so good. I was hot. It might sound self absorbed but if you know me, you know I am definitely not like that. I am simply telling myself I looked good then. Because I am never at a mindset where I don’t feel insecure about some part of my body. I am never at a place where I am like...”I like how I am right now and I don’t want to change”. I looked at these pics cause I know I was utterly happy. Even though deep down my ED was bad I was eating healthy and working out and I genuinely felt quite good about how I looked. I might sound totally narcissistic…go on and hate me….but my summer me was such an amazing person. I looked good. Not just that..I was very very happy and that kind of has a glow. That guy I loved for seven years. Screw him….I was awesome and still am.
So…with that being said. When all this craziness goes down, I will peacefully go back to working out and eating well for my HEALTH! I know I want to lose weight as well for my looks but to be honest, it would be nice to eat less chocolate and have clear skin for example. XD I did start eating well yesterday lol but I still drank a looooot of coffee. I need to reduce that a bit.
Also….I have been like super sad and anxious but I GOT SUMMER IN 3 DAYS! That is the best thing ever. Man. Now I am excited about that. I still got no job though. But let’s look at the positives. MAAAAN!!! SUMMER! You know what that means? Endlesss sunsets, biking, hanging out with friends, spending time with those two “bitches” of mine (Strawberry and The one who doesn’t speak English) XD. And like everyone. It is truly all about mindset. I am happy about this. Hella excited.
credit to @ketnipz for the pic