This week I watched Riverdale. At night. Until very very late at night. Some might say until morning. XD Which means that I slept for long and missed many breakfasts and meals. Honestly, it messed up my eating. I tried catching up with calories for the day in a small time frame. And I was very hungry later because I didn’t eat enough thoughout the day and I didn’t want to eat at night.
On Friday I was also working and I kind of didn’t really have time to eat. I ate breakfast, then two apples later around five and I only ate a real meal at 10pm. That is really not healthy.
I am writing this on Saturday and to be honest, I find it hard to eat today because I went all these days with minimal food and my ED is like: “Look, you lost a bit of weight cause of it. You are fine without food.” While that is not true at all. No one is fine without food. Food is essential to sustain life. I ate lunch. I ate oatmeal but I can’t really chug down any more real food right now. But I know I need it. So I am going to buy a smoothie of some sort and do that.
This is a very important Recovery Diary “episode” because while some of these were about me eating too much, this is the opposite. This is an undereating phase. It is easy to fall into it because it takes around two-three days to get into it unfortunately. After that your body and mind get used to it and you tell yourself you really don’t need to eat. Why would you? Which is such a stupid, disordered way to think.
I also realise camp is in a month. And my real goal was to get better becasue camp was so hard for me. They cook amazing food. Truly. But most of it isn’t the healthiest. And that makes me go crazy. And I don’t really have the time or even like mood to work out there. I’d rather just spend my time with my friends. I work really hard at eating healthy now and working out and it scares me that camp could ruin that. But this is exactly why it is important. I want you to know that i am always doing my best and trying.