Diary Days – n.36 – Death is Inevitable

Cameron Boyce has passed away like two days ago. I grew up with him. I loved him so much. he was such an amazing actor. I truly hope he is in a great place now but to be honest, there is another reason why this got me so bad. He was 20, I am 19 and he died. That terrifyes me. It is terrifying to think I could die. I could. There could be a car accident or an injury. Anything really.

I am still very young and I feel like I am invincible at this age because life seems to be so good. I got good friends, a job, looking forward to university but all of that could end. And it can and could end at any age. That is not how things usually go but sometimes they do. It just makes me want to live more and make the most of life. It makes me want to paint and write my heart out. Tell people I love them. It makes me just want to have no regrets. Because the way things are is that only a few people are actually ready to die. Only a few have done everything they wanted. Most of us die mid-doing something. “Stopped midsentence.” That is what terrifyies me. I want to do just everything but there isn’t enough time. It scares me to also just go to sleep and not being able to wake up the next morning. Which is how he died. And he just went to sleep not even knowing. He didn’t even know he died. This is really tripping me. Lil Peep and X passed away as well last year but I didn’t know them so it didn’t really get me. This did. My best friends could die as well. Man, death is a bitch. Truly.

I know we have to make peace with it though. It is inevitable. And as I wrote in the play

“A thing as simple as death can’t stop us from living life.” – Lila

I just can’t wrap my head around it. But we’ll be fine. It’s the endless circle of life and death. We’ll just have to be okay with it all I guess.

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